School is starting up again, here’s what our teachers and educators need to be aware of as students make the return to the classroom

In March of 2020, our world began to turn upside down as businesses began closing doors, events started cancelling, and school made the unprecedented shift to virtual and hybrid learning models. It was a time of confusion, frustration, and uncertainty for all- but for some another word came to mind: fear (and not just fear of COVID-19).

With families being forced to stay inside and transition to learning and working from home, there was a great fear of abuse at home occurring with little to no awareness being noticed. Especially for our children, this caused a lot of mental and physical trauma that went unseen due to the quarantines and stay-at-home orders. Now that schools are reopening their doors and families are making plans to send their kids back to school in-person, let’s share a few important notes to help our teachers and education professionals be aware and alert for this upcoming school year.

The Iowa Department of Human Services notes the following in establishing motive to investigate suspected child abuse:

• The victim is a child (anyone under the age of 18)
• The child is subjected to one or more of the categories of child abuse defined in Iowa Code section 232.68:
  • Physical abuse
  • Mental injury
  • Sexual abuse
  • Child prostitution
  • Presence of illegal drugs in a child’s body
  • Denial of critical care
  • Dangerous substance
  • Bestiality in the presence of a child
  • Allows access to a registered sex offender
  • Allows access to obscene materials
  • Child Sex Trafficking

Teachers should carefully observe behaviors and physical signs that could potentially be linked to any of these categories. These signs are often discussed in more detail through credited trainings for schools and leaders, but these are a few of the most recognized signals:

• bruises, unusual marks, and cuts
• reoccurring broken bones or other major physical injuries
• burns (regardless of location or size)
• unusual discretion around adults
• missing class often
• accident-proneness
• inability to focus or pay attention
• poor academic performance
• increased agitation or anxiety
• hanging around school before and after class
• poor peer relationships

Our educators are trained to have best interests when it comes to a child’s well-being, so it is critically important for them to be active in these situations. In fact, did you know that teachers in all 50 states are required to report reasonable suspicions by law? If you are employed by a school district or other facility, talk to your administrators about how to report these suspicions, and ensure you are following all legal guidelines and school protocols.

Make sure other teachers and child care staff in your district/program complete any necessary trainings, certifications, and workshops pertaining to child abuse. These are often essential requirements to ensure all individuals are aware of current regulations, procedures, and measures to protect the child. Keep everyone up to date on trends, warning signs, and active steps for awareness. Taking those extra steps in professional development will not only benefit your educational experience, but it will provide concerned families peace of mind knowing their children’s safety is in caring and knowledgeable hands.

Prevention is going to be the biggest advocate in your district’s ability to aide in the efforts against abuse. Consider bringing in advocates and training consultants from government agencies or other abuse survivor-targeted groups to educate your staff on signs, legal obligations, and intervention strategies. These sessions can be very proactive with parents and legal guardians as well. Prevention is a community-involved initiative, so having the support branches to keep everyone informed and engaged is a benefit not only for the school, but for everyone.

To our teachers, child care and educational professionals, the main message here is that we strongly urge you to be engaged in connecting with all community tools, government agencies, and local nonprofits. These organizations are here to guide you and will provide you with all of the information you need for recognition, awareness, and action against abuse. Fulfill your requirements and obligations to ensure you know the steps to take if you suspect any abusive activity with a child in your class or group. This upcoming school year, don’t just focus on grades- add awareness to your own curriculum!

A Discussion to Help Keep “Child’s Play” Safe and Appropriate in Your Community Parks

The community playground serves as a gathering place where children can be active and build their imagination through social interaction and physical activity. Play time is fundamental to stimulate their own growth and learning- but what happens when they get over-stimulated and start to clash between other kids or even adults?

Over the years, some have seen the sight of playgrounds and community parks as less of a place of joy, and more of a hub for drug and crime activity. This negative influence could play a factor in behavioral environments of children, because kids WILL reenact what they see and hear. Another case to consider is that of bullying, and because the children have had over a year without at least moderate interaction with multiple kids, their social structure and interpersonal communication has been heavily affected. Bullying (especially cyberbullying- which takes place online) contributes to the overall mental anxiety that many children are already struggling with every day.

The playground is meant to be a place to release that anxiety, and simply let them unleash that energy built up inside- turning tension into creativity and movement. However, some kids find that interaction to be a challenge. They begin to exhibit behaviors that are part of their normal mentality- impatience, frustration, anger, jealousy, etc. Those negative responses can have serious consequences whether it happens at the park, in school, or at other public facilities. By working together with the children and other parents in your community, you have the power to build more positive momentum to ensure safe and appropriate behavior.

Consider these facts:

• Every 7 minutes a child is bullied at the playground.
• The rate of an adult interaction during a bullying episode is 4%
• The rate of a peer getting involved during a situation is 11%
• No interaction or involvement at all stands at a solid 85%

(STOMP Out Bullying, 2021)

The message here? We HAVE to be more proactive in getting involved and actively teaching our children essential positive behaviors. Especially from an early age, it is critical to emphasize to children the importance of manners, proper social identification, and responsible awareness of one’s property (toys, clothing, food, etc.)

So what can we do to help ensure safer playgrounds and safer behavior for our kids?

As Parents… Your primary responsibility as a parent is teaching your child right from wrong. Be a positive role model by engaging with your kids through role-playing scenarios and have open discussions about the other kids they are playing with. Be observant of not just your child’s behavior, but the other children as well. While at the playground, be quick to let your child know if they are acting inappropriately and offer solutions to correct their behavior and/or end the situation before others get seriously hurt.

As Teachers… At school, your role is critical to ensure the safety and well-being of all children. Being a teacher goes beyond the classroom, and that means stepping in when a child showcases troubling behaviors to themselves and others. Watch out for playground violence that can entice physical conflict such as pushing, kicking, hitting and misuse of equipment. That equipment is part of school property and you are obligated to step in and break up any involvement of violent behavior. If these behaviors are out of suspicion for abuse or mistreatment at home, you are obligated to speak with supportive staff at your school regarding any policies for reporting to the authorities or other designated personnel.

As Child Care Providers… Very similar to the teachers, you are a key piece in this puzzle of playground safety and behavioral management. While these children are in your care, your duty is to ensure their conduct is maintained and communicated to the parents (or legal guardians) when the problems continue to escalate. Be sure not to focus your attention on just one or two children- establish rules and expectations that apply to the entire group you are caring for.

As Neighbors or Good Samaritans… In either of these cases, you may find yourself in the great debate of “take action” or “watch and observe”. As humans, we tend to feel that we want to do the right thing, but too often neglect to take that next step. Your opportunity here is to show awareness that you see what’s going on and you want to help because you care. If you see children that appear to be fighting and making physical advances to each other or surrounding kids, it’s ok to jump in to break up the altercation. If necessary, call the police and explain the situation. If parents or caregivers are nearby and notice your interaction with the kids, use it as an opportunity to engage and emphasize how their behavior was concerning, and that you intervened only out of caution and good will. When we can educate other adults, as well as the children, it truly will make a positive and lasting impact.

What this all really boils down to is communication. How we communicate with the children, and how we communicate with other adults keeps everyone connected so that our kids can feel safe and secure wherever they want to play. More adult engagement benefits the children in so many ways, and if done right, it can have a lasting impact as they get older. When the playgrounds eventually turn into the workplace, they will be able to exhibit more respectful and positive behaviors around others- but that initial footprint begins when we step up to remind kids that how we value ourselves is just as important as the value of others.

Keep the conversation going by talking to children about their feelings, how others are treating them, what they can do to inspire more playful and engaging activities at the playground to help everyone feel inclusive. It may seem like small steps today, but they can easily turn into bigger leaps for tomorrow.

To learn more about how you can engage with your children for more positive, respectful, and age-appropriate behaviors, check out our Early Talk resources for free, exclusively from #stopdvsa.

Some things are more important than titles and medals- confidence and self-respect

The Tokyo 2020 Olympics are happening right now and while the world’s eyes are on one incredibly talented member of the U.S. Women’s Gymnastics team, there’s another reason to find inspiration from this amazing young woman.

Simone Biles, honorably given the title of “Greatest Of All Time”, stands not just as an Olympic champion, but a champion for sexual assault victims. Her story came forward in 2018 in a shocking movement that stunned the world, but for those in the sexual abuse and trauma communities, it was a story they were all too familiar with.

In hearing the stories from survivors, advocates, and even other celebrities impacted by sexual abuse, there is a constant voice that continues to speak out letting others know that the time is always right to speak up. Change is possible, and change will occur but only if those who are willing to fight for it remain dedicated to living this truth.

Overcoming the fear, and finding the courage to speak up is one of the biggest obstacles that survivors face. The initial struggle to tell their story, and share it with the right person is part of the process. Especially if you are in a position of high influence and notable achievement, this cannot be an easy discussion to have. In past interviews, Biles claimed she was afraid to talk to others about what happened to her, and even her family noticed that some was wrong- but she neglected to discuss it. Finally when Biles came forward in 2018, her words became an inspiring beacon of hope to those who had also been tormented by sexual assault and sexual abuse.

Her journey to move past the pain and frustration of her trauma only pushed her further into performance and passion for gymnastics. She even remarked in a recent interview, that she felt she HAD to come back as proof of being a survivor and to show the world what it means to overcome those fears.

Defining confidence and protecting your own self-respect are two of the best ways to rise above your own experiences, and show the world that you are unstoppable. Your voice cannot be silenced, and you must take the steps to ensure those responsible are held accountable.  Biles has continued to pursue her dreams, and is making sure that her life does not remain empty and without joy. She has found a way to keep striving and thriving- an important message for all survivors.

Once you have been able to successfully make your story known and share it with the others- your next step is to continue to fulfill your personal legacy by moving forward. Utilize your talents whether it’s balancing beams, perfecting culinary delights, or teaching the next generation- do not let the past define your future. Instead, let it inspire you!

If the G.O.A.T. can turn heads by showing the world how hard work, perseverance, and commitment can impact an Olympic icon, imagine what your story can do to inspire thousands of individuals to put their fear aside, speak up, and achieve more. Believe in yourself, and the ability to comeback from obstacles (no matter how difficult), and the Gold will always be yours.

Children express a variety of behaviors as they learn and mature, but when they experience trauma at an early age it becomes a whole new conversation.

Our kids can bring a lot of joy and light to our lives, but it can bring such pain to see them struggle. Children who have been subjected to violence, abuse, or other traumatic events often develop various behaviors and reactions that will appear unusual and concerning. Understanding and helping your child cope with their delicate situation requires you to comprehend the what’s and why’s of their actions. Let’s talk about some of the behaviors and effects your child may be experiencing and how you can help them.

Your child may be experiencing some of the following situations as a result of their trauma:

• Difficulty sleeping (restless, nightmares, fatigue, etc.)
• Developing a lack of interest
• Anger-related episodes
• Stress
• Depression/Personality shifts
• Difficulty establishing trust
• Explicit use of sexual knowledge, terms, and behaviors

If you’ve noticed your child displaying any of these characteristics, it is important that you address them immediately and do not ignore the signs. By addressing these issues on all levels (emotional, physical, verbal) you can open the door of communication to the child, offering a safe place for expression. Being an advocate in prevention, positive communication, and education means you are taking the extra step to help a child heal.

Each scenario is different. A child may not be suffering through as much mental trauma as other kids, if that’s the case- that’s ok too. Every child will react and respond to their case in their own unique way. Your opportunity here is to engage with them for their safety, and as a point of confidence to let them know they are not alone in their healing.

Age is another important factor to consider. Younger children may re-enact their experience during play time, while older children may take on more serious behaviors. Pay close attention in the way they reference their bodies (and others too). If they start using more derogatory terms or displaying inappropriate characteristics in their activities, then it’s time to step up and take action. Consult with professionals or other local resources for strategies to help you communicate to your children about these behaviors using age-sensitive discussions.

Finally, the most important takeaway from all of this is to be completely supportive of your child. Your care and compassion will serve as the guiding force in their continuing development moving forward. Make sure your child gets as much mental and physical support as possible early on- this can help offset the potential for other conditions to develop such as post-traumatic stress disorder. Even more concerning, sometimes these disorders can act as the catalyst for more problematic behaviors down the road like drug abuse or developing suicidal thoughts, if left unnoticed. Don’t let these mental breakdowns cause long-term complications for your children. Take the necessary steps to ensure they have every option to seek help and guidance when they need it most.

With your help, you can secure a brighter future for your child, even coming out of a place of darkness and confusion. Getting educated yourself about the potential effects traumatic events can have on a child will allow you to step into a position of safety, comfort, and reasoning amid your child’s healing process. The level of severity your child may face will vary, but with the supportive and reliable resources in your hands, you will be able to help your child feel safe and valued again.

Talking To Your Children About Domestic Violence During COVID-19

While our society continues to fight the ongoing battle against COVID-19, there is still the continuous struggle in taking a stand against another pandemic: Domestic Violence and Abuse. October is recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month- but this simply cannot be limited to just these 31 days alone. Especially now that we all are finding new ways to adapt to different levels of living, working, and learning for the time being. We need to take the time to explain to our children not just the importance of public safety, but personal, situational safety.

Dedicate time to sit down with your kids and ask them important questions like, “Do you know what the word “consent” means?” or “Have you seen or experienced anything recently that you’re afraid to talk about?”. Kids don’t like to be lectured, so make your conversations open and personable. They’re more likely to understand and respond to your questions and concerns if they feel that you want to discuss rather than preach. Some topics are hard to question, and when it comes down to facts- there’s no sugar-coating things, but children interpret life differently. Be honest, be sincere, and just be there for them. 

One of the growing concerns right now for advocates against Domestic Violence in 2020, is that the repercussions of the pandemic might be preventing people from seeking out help and crucial resources. This is another reason why it’s important to talk with your children early on about these difficult subjects. Teaching children about signs, advocacy, and awareness is not only good for their well-being, but it may also help benefit someone else. Children, especially at a young age, are very prone to pay more attention to the actions of others. Educate them that if they see something that looks wrong then it is up to them to tell a responsible adult about that situation. Their recognition just may save a life, all because they knew what to do and when to do it.

The opportunity here is to recognize that while we may be taking extra precautions to stop the spread of COVID-19, violence and abuse never takes a break. We’re spending more time at home- which can be dangerous on its own- and our children deserve to be taught, and have their voice heard when they feel uncomfortable. Talk and Listen! Be their shining light during the pandemic, because the best weapon we have right now to fight both pandemics is HOPE.

What is a civil protective order?

It’s a document issued by a court to help you protect yourself from someone who is abusing or harassing you. 

What can a civil protective order do?

Every state is different, but in many places, a protective order can require an abuser to:

• Stay away from you at home, at work and anywhere you go. A protective order can also prohibit the abuser from contacting you by phone, fax, mail, email or through another person.

• Move out if you live together. You can ask that a law enforcement officer be on the scene when the abuser collects their belongings to ensure your safety.

• Give you temporary custody of your children. This generally lasts until the court makes a final decision about custody. 

But a protective order can’t guarantee your safety.

An abuser can be arrested for violating the order, but it is not always possible to prevent a violation.

Advocates can answer questions like:

• What a protective order can and can’t do for you.

• What procedure to follow for getting a protective order in your area.

• Where and how to fill out the forms to file.

• An advocate can help you collect and provide details of the abusive treatment you suffered.

• After the order is filed you will have a hearing, an advocate can be present to support you through the court process.

What happens next?

The abuser is served a copy of the petition for the protective order. The court will schedule a hearing and order law enforcement to deliver the protective order and hearing date to the Defendant. The hearing will be held in 5 – 15 days after you submit your petition to the Clerk of Court.